TOP TEN PARTY MANNERS FOR KIDS

Although parties are mostly about fun and games, your child also needs to learn a little social protocol in order to be a good guest and host. Teaching her basic party manners will both boost her self-confidence and make her a welcome participant at any celebration or gathering.

RSVP. Teach your child what "RSVP" means (you can even impress her with the original French répondez s'il vous plaît). Explain why it's important to respond in a timely manner, and how and when to call the party's host.


Feelings.To avoid hurting anyone's feelings, mail invitations to your guests' homes, don't have your child give them out at school. And tell your child not to talk about the party she's invited to or hosting at school, the playground, or anywhere else children who aren't invited may be present. Just gently reminding her how she would feel if she were the one left out usually is enough to make her understand the need for discretion.


Party manners. Remind your child to be on her best behavior at the party, and not to criticize the food, games, or gifts. If she doesn't like something, tell her to keep it to herself.


Please and thank you. A party can be so exciting, a child may forget to say "please" when offered cake or a goodie bag, or, if she's the birthday girl, "thank you" for the gifts. Remind her ahead of time and she'll be more likely to mind her p's and q's on the big day.


Gifts. Ask your child to acknowledge all the gifts she receives equally with a smile and a "thank you," even if she likes some more than others so everyone will feel good about what they brought. Teach her what to say if she receives a duplicate gift-maybe "Oh, wow, you had this good idea, too" (instead of "Hey, I already got one"). And don't let her get distracted while she's opening presents by stopping and playing with a toy that catches her fancy. That shows favoritism, can cause jealousy among the partygoers, and brings everything to a dead halt.


Sharing. If your child attends another friend's party, remind her not to grab the new toys and play with them, since they belong to the guest of honor. If you're hosting the party, after all the gifts have been opened, you might let the children play with all or some of them, but often it's wisest to put them away until the guests have left. Your child is likely to be protective of her new things and might not be on her best sharing behavior.


Games and activities. When your child's a guest, encourage her to try all the games and activities at the party, even if she's a little shy or thinks a certain activity is "dumb" or "boring." Remind her that the hosts have worked hard to plan a fun time for everyone and that a negative attitude is contagious.


Be on time. It's important that the guests arrive on time to the party, since it's going to last only a limited time and often the hosts won't start the activities until everyone has arrived. Just as important, make sure that you arrive at the appointed time to pick your child up--your hosts are sure to be tired and ready for a little downtime after the stress of the party.


Jealousy. Talk about feelings of jealousy that are normal at this time. If someone else is getting a lot of gifts, remind your child that it will be her turn one day, too, and to try to feel happy for the guest of honor. If your child is the birthday girl, remind her to be extra nice to her siblings that day, since they may feel a little left out of the limelight. Give the siblings something special to do at the party, and offer them a special favor or "unbirthday present" as a thank-you for helping out.


Thank-you notes. As soon as your child can write her name, she can send a short note to the guests thanking them for coming to the party and for the gifts. You may have to help the younger ones, but the older kids can write their own simple notes. If they need help, write a sample and let them copy it. (Otherwise, you might end up like a friend of mine, who was horrified to learn that her eight-year-old daughter had written, "Thanks for whatever it was you gave me" in all her messages.) Email, the telephone, even mailing a printed-out note composed on the computer won't do-when it comes to thank-yous, a handwritten expression of gratitude is still the expected mode of communication.