RESTAURANT MANNERS

A certain amount of decorum is appropriate when sitting down to any meal in a restaurant, but these days it seems like people have thrown good manners by the wayside. Over the last 20 years, there has been an increase in the percentage of personal income spent on eating away from home. This shift in spending has directly contributed to the rise in the number of restaurants. Jennifer Berg, professor of Food and Culture in NYU’s Department of Nutrition, Food Studies & Public Health, says that this proliferation of restaurants plays a part in the lax behavior that is being witnessed. In the customers’ minds, they are doing the restaurant a favor by choosing one place to eat over another, and restaurants should be beholden to them.

“The customer is always right” is an axiom of American service industries which most consumers have adopted as their own inalienable right. But this core principle does not mean that diners can do whatever they want when they step into a restaurant. Nor does it mean that the front-of the-house staff can take out their frustrations on customers and then expect a 20% tip. There needs to be mutual respect between waitstaff and patrons so that everyone benefits from dining out.

Getting our manners back into shape does not require an enormous effort. Emily Post, the authority on American etiquette, has said, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” Customers and restaurateurs can make dining out a more pleasant experience with these Top 10 Points of Restaurant Etiquette, none of which involve learning which one is the salad fork. These tidbits are listed in the order of the typical dining experience – from making a reservation to leaving a tip.

1. Timing is Everything
Restaurant reservations are like any other appointment. If you make a reservation, stick to it. Call ahead if you’re going to be more than 15 minutes late, and cancel as far in advance as possible if your plans change so that someone else can get a table. It is fine to make multiple reservations for a single evening as long as you cancel the unwanted bookings, again as far in advance as possible.

On the service side, a host or hostess who receives a head’s up call from a patron who is running late should be gracious– either reassure the patron that his table will be waiting, or courteously explain that because of high demand, you can only hold the table for half an hour, after which you will do your best to accommodate the guest upon arrival.

2. What is Casual Dress?
According to the 2004 Zagat Survey Guide, over two dozen restaurants in New York City still require gentlemen to wear jackets and ties. But these are exceptions in a restaurant world where jeans and sneakers have become the new casual-chic. As fine dining restaurants move away from the old jacket-required policy, it raises the question of just what exactly is appropriate to wear when dining out. Casual attire to one person may mean jeans and a sweatshirt; to another, khakis and penny loafers. If you’re headed to a restaurant for the first time and are unsure about how to dress, call and ask the host outright what the dress code is. When in doubt, it’s safer to wear something more conservative.

The trickier issue is for the host. How should you treat an underdressed guest? The general manager of a famous, very expensive New York City restaurant once said that he didn’t enforce a dress code among patrons because if Mick Jagger showed up in torn jeans and sneakers, they wouldn’t refuse him service. Just because a customer is underdressed doesn’t mean he doesn’t have money to spend or fine taste in food and wine. Our advice is to seat an ill-dressed customer out of the way, without commenting on the attire. Chances are they will take in the dress of the other patrons and realize their gaffe.

3. Table Setting
What would an article on restaurant etiquette be without a section on table setting? In this case, we’re less concerned with what fork to use and more concerned that all the silverware be clean. Likewise the glasses, plates and napkins. All it takes is a little extra attention to make sure that the table is set properly. This point may seem like the first lesson in Table Waiting 101, but after a recent dining incident in which the waiter set a severely cracked wine glass in front of us – sharp edges and all – without even looking at it, we thought a brief mention was worthwhile.

In the inevitable event that you are dining out and receive a less than satisfactory table setting, it is appropriate to notify your waiter and politely request a new one.

4. Substitutions and Sending Dishes Back
The latest popular diet, not to mention diners’ peculiar food preferences, should never be dismissed by the waitstaff. Servers should make reasonable substitutions and accommodations to customers’ requests without grumbling about them. Often the unwillingness to accommodate a diner’s request when ordering is driven by the kitchen and has nothing to do with the waiter. If that is the case, the waiter should say so.

As for customers, it’s always a bummer when everyone in your party is served and your meal is not properly cooked. Do you suffer in silence and pick around the plate without sending it back? If you send it back, you’ll have to wait while everyone else eats and then the timing of the whole meal is off. If your order is unsatisfactory, there’s no need to be aggressive with the waitstaff, but it is appropriate to say something so the chef and waiter have an opportunity to rectify the situation.

5. Cell Phones
Telephones shouldn’t be answered during family meals at home, and it’s no different in a restaurant. Turn off your cell phone or switch it to silent mode before sitting down to eat, and leave it in your pocket or purse.

For the peeved waiter whose customer has breached the cell-phone etiquette, a courteous reminder – after the call is completed – is appropriate. Suggest that the customer take calls in the bar or waiting area.

6. Wine Sense
Wine can play a vital role in dining– for the diner, it should make the meal more enjoyable; for the restaurant, it should make the meal more profitable. Thus, it’s in everyone’s best interest to play by the rules.

Ordering wine in a restaurant can be a daunting task if you don’t know much more than red, white, sparkling and rose. Asking a waiter or wine steward for assistance often can make you even more uncomfortable, especially if you’re on a date or out in a group. If you are reluctant to tell the waiter your price range, it is helpful to communicate the information nonverbally by pointing to a bottle on the wine list that is in your range and saying something along the lines of, “I’m thinking about trying this wine- can you tell me more about it?”

From the patron’s perspective, you do not have to be a wine connoisseur to know when a bottle is corked - it happens more than occasionally, and the distinct smell of wet, moldy cardboard is hard to forget. If you think the wine smells or tastes off, you should be confident in telling the waiter or wine director. After all, you’re paying for it, and you should not subject yourself to drinking a corked bottle. Don’t feel bad about the restaurant losing money. In many cases, an off bottle gets returned to the distributor.

What happens when you order a bottle of wine and simply don’t like it? If you confidently ordered the bottle on your own, without consultation from a sommelier or wine steward, it is generally not appropriate to send it back – especially if it is an expensive bottle. However, if you requested assistance from the staff and don’t like what they suggested, it is within your prerogative to express displeasure with the wine and send it back.

As the waiter or wine director, when a customer sends back a corked bottle or is unhappy with a selection that you recommended, this is a prime opportunity to train other members of the waitstaff.

7. Children are Restaurant Patrons, Too
It’s never too early to start teaching good restaurant manners to children. Poorly behaved children can ruin the dining experience for other patrons, so if you bring your kids to dine out, make sure they are behaving properly.

It’s useful for restaurants to have a stash of crayons and coloring or puzzle books on hand so that when the youngest patrons get restless, you can help keep them occupied. Parents will be more likely to return when they take note of your kid-friendly service.

As for chefs, what about introducing young patrons to more sophisticated dishes than chicken fingers or macaroni and cheese? Consider creating plates that are smaller versions of the regular menu items for these budding gourmets, or allow half orders of select menu items for those under 12. And adults, please refrain from ordering from the children’s menu.

8. You Can Take it With You
In general, it’s a good idea to refrain from bringing outside food or drink into a restaurant. Guests should check a restaurant’s BYO policy and corkage fees before arriving.

Unlike most other countries, there’s nothing wrong with taking your leftovers home in a doggy bag, especially since portions are usually more than any human should eat in a single sitting. The same now goes for wine in New York and some other states – leftover bottles should be recorked and packaged for customers to take home.

9. Tipping
As bad as some of us claim to be at math, we all become human calculators when it comes to figuring the standard 15-20% of a check. Tips are a customer’s way to provide feedback about the service in a restaurant, and should be used to reflect quality. If service is inattentive, forgetful, rude or careless, leave a smaller tip to indicate your displeasure. Only in extreme cases should a tip never be given. By the same token, if you feel your server would go to any length to make you happy, a 20-25% (or greater) tip is advisable.

There is some debate in the restaurant world about whether or not it is appropriate to tip on wine. The answer is yes. Since sommeliers are tipped out a percentage of the evening’s gratuities, it is quite right to recognize their services by including the cost of wine when calculating a tip. If your sommelier has been particularly helpful, you might want to tip that person directly. Taking the issue a step further, what is the tipping etiquette if you order an outrageously expensive bottle of wine? Is the sommelier deserving of 15-20% of that bottle when the amount of work required is no more or less than with an inexpensive bottle? Again, the answer is yes. If you’re a big spender splurging on pricey wines, then you should tip like a big spender. But big spenders should reconsider the practice of tipping the host or hostess upon entering a restaurant in order to get seated quicker or be placed at a better table. This is not a reward for good service; it is merely a bribe.

We all know that waitstaff make their living in customer tips, not wages. In many states, their wage is well below the legal minimum, and chances are these employees never see it, thanks to taxes. Restaurateurs should make sure their staff is trained to be courteous and professional, and that they should not expect tips—they should work for them. Pooling and tipping out to bartenders, sommeliers and busboys is pretty standard, but these practices can be discouraging for higher earning waiters who feel they are giving up their tips to people who may not be pulling their weight. Unfortunately, that’s the way it is. Owners and managers should use incentives to encourage top quality service across the staff, and consistent underperformers should be let go.

10. Communicate
One last point on how good communication skills can make dining out enjoyable, whether you are the customer or the waiter. On the customer’s side, the more you communicate to the waiter, the better he or she will be able to serve you. If you are displeased with the dining experience in any way, it is up to you to calmly and politely articulate that to the waiter or manager so they can have an opportunity to fix the problem. If you don’t say anything and just wait until the end of the meal to leave a sub-standard tip, the waiter won’t know what went wrong.

Restaurants thrive on repeat business, and the quality of service can be a determining factor when it comes to deciding whether or not to return. It is important for the waiststaff to read your guests from the moment they sit down. Know and anticipate what they want based on what they are communicating to you. And don’t assume that because your last table ordered multiple courses and bottles of wine that your next table will want the same full dining experience. People dine out for different reasons and you shouldn’t presume anything about them. Don’t oversell your customers - they will only get annoyed at you and be less likely to tip well.